My kid is definitely better than yours!
Seriously, if yours can count to ten then you can bet your arse that next time I see you mine will know his ten times tables. Backwards.
Your kid took a shit on the toilet? well mine just completed a plumbing course, installed a new toilet, opened his bowels, wiped his own arse and then gave the bathroom a clean.
In a world that is full of pressure to be the ‘perfect’ parent (whatever the fuck that is) why as mums do we make it worse by making each other feel so inadequate.
I’m going to broaden that actually because its not just about parenting and children, as humans we are constantly striving for one-upmanship. we NEED to feel like our lives, our children, our houses, our relationships, are somehow superior to everyone else’s.
The fact of the matter is that they just aren’t!
If your child learns to put his jigsaw together two weeks before Jimmy down the road does it matter? Why would this make you feel better about yourself or your kid?
What we should be doing is encouraging our children to help Jimmy. To show him how the pieces slot together to complete a bigger picture, and then we should all take a look at this bigger picture ourselves!
I am in no way taking the holier than thou moral high ground on this topic, every time someone tells me that perfect little Jimmy has aced a new milestone that one of my two haven’t mastered yet my heart sinks a bit (how sad is that!).
I look at my slightly rough-around-the-edges children and wonder what I’ve done or not done to make them so far behind.
I mean that other kid has completed a whole shape sorter, he’s practically a fucking genius in child terms!
What must people think of my red haired wild child who prefers picking his nose and chasing his brother with his bogeys, or digging in the mud to find snails and then eating them (I shit you not this is one of his favourite pastimes, some may call him a savage, I prefer to think of this as cultured and resourceful). The truth is I’ve promised myself I will stop caring what people think, he is just where he should be for him.
The fact of the matter is that no matter how you want everyone else to perceive you, by trying to complete against the world you will always be left feeling like your not good enough.
It’s pointless cleaning for an hour before you have guests when the rest of the week your house resembles a war zone, because guess what? If that house guest has children they’ve just left their own little war zone and wont even notice the pile of washing on the dining room table or the dust on the TV stand they will just be glad to come round have a brew in peace, while the kids try to kill each other upstairs, and bitch about how becoming a parent has ruined their life forever and the last time they had sex was about a month ago, because remember little Jimmy? turns out he doesn’t sleep longer than an hour at a time and he’s the biggest cock-blocker ever!
We need to stop giving any fucks what other people might think because we are all only human, and truthfully nobody gives a crap what your child can or can’t do. you see when you view things from an outsider perspective it’s easy to see that your child is amazing, we are just too wrapped up in our child being the next Einstein to realise it.
We are pissed off at ourselves for not forcing our child to listen to that god-awful sounding classical shit before they were even born, instead opting for the spice girls greatest hits. We are annoyed that we didn’t take our child to swimming lessons and dunk them under water because now they will never win an Olympic gold. We are annoyed at ourselves because we always feel like we could have done better.
You did the best you could at the time. You loved your children otherwise you wouldn’t feel any guilt at all.
We need to learn to embrace our child’s talents, whatever they are, we might not even know what the hell they are yet (god only knows I struggle too see what my children will ever be good at that is legal!) but we need to have faith that eventually they will show us what they really shine at. Because everyone really shines at something.
We need to stop being so defensive about how much weight our newborn has put on this week because maybe they are just going to be petite and dainty, maybe in a couple of weeks they will pile weight on and look like a mini-michelin man, it doesn’t reflect on us as parents.
we need to stop teaching our children that the only way to succeed in life is to meet the targets that we have shoved down our throats daily. We need to teach them that how clever you are, or how pretty you look or how many toys you have does not define how successful you are as a human being.
All of our children are geniuses, no matter how many words they know, how big they are, if they are potty trained before they get their first tooth, they are all amazing because to them none of this stuff matters!
That is what we all as adults should strive for. Not to all be geniuses because we aren’t all made to invent new things or discover the true meaning of life. Not to all be physically perfect, because beauty is not about being perfect. We should all just be happy being ourselves and making other people feel like they too are enough. We should be happy to be the best version of ourselves.
Children want love and adventure, they need to feel like they are special and they need time to develop because we all develop at different rates. They need to learn that to try is to succeed, and who is going to teach them this if we all just want to be better than each other?
The key to being a successful parent surely is to produce a nice gown up, one who appreciates the world we live in, the amazing beauty that can be found in everything and everyone. A grown up who wants to help people in any way they can, who doesn’t judge people for what they have but rather tries to appreciate the good that you cant buy in a supermarket or car showroom.
surely the key to being the ‘perfect parent’ is to stop trying to force our children to be the ‘perfect child’ and to accept them for what they are so that they, in turn, can accept themselves.