When I was younger I could think of nothing more embarrassing than my parents!
I loved them obviously, but seriously could they get any more humiliating?
I remember my first spice girls concert (yes I went to more than one!), the whole way through it my mum stood up and did all of the dances while doing that wierd open mouthed smile people do at you when they think they are shit hot, you know the one I mean, they tend to nod at you a bit whilst doing it. Fucking embarrassing!
This is one of a long list of very embarrassing things my mother has forced me to endure, others include singing her version of Meatloaf classic ‘two out of three ain’t bad” at my eighteenth birthday party (there was no karaoke so she just nicked the mic off the DJ and sang it over the track) in front of the very few friends I had that bothered to turn up.
using the massive pillars outside of our local Italian restaurant as poles and swinging round the poor things like she was ditta von teese in front of tons of traffic and several people we knew and the other one that springs to mind, taking pictures of me whilst in labour and putting them on Facebook. There were many more!
I obviously got. My own back on my parents, first the goth phase, I died all of my lovely blonde hair black, wore trousers wider than the grand canyon and Marilyn manson tshirt’s for a few years, a phase that ended abruptly when my boyfriend at the time (who had a wierd neck twitch and spat alot but was totally cool because he smoked and went in mosh pits) dumped me. Because I wouldn’t have sex with him while I was on my period. Dick.
I also got pregnant at 21 whilst unmarried and living in my friends spare room and once I farted really loud in asda and pointed at my mum while walking off because the kid stood behind me was on arse level and totally heard it, I’m not sure if she knew about that until now… Sorry mum!
So I would say all in all we are pretty even these days.
Looking back on my previously mortifying experiences is now quite funny, it would be rude not to give the same pleasure to. My children right?
Now I like to think that I’m a cool mum, I’m young and I think I know what the manakin challenge is (i Googled it), I know a few ‘little mix’ songs and who ‘drake’ is (despite thinking he was singing about the Highland fling not hotline bling… As if hotline bling is a fucking thing anyway!)
but thomas has informed me today that despite THINKING I’m cool, I’m a total ‘wierdo’.
Now I don’t like to think of my children as ungrateful little shits, but seriously, I spend hours doing the fucking ‘dab’ to be called a wierdo are you shitting me?
So ive come up with a plan, everytime my kids piss me off (mainly thomas because Henry is too young to care) I’m going to do somthing really embarrassing. Just because that’s what parents do.
All ideas of how to embarrass a six year old welcome. I will keep you updated on my progress xx