Don’t hate what you can’t imitate!

kids are glory seeking little creatures don’t you think?

i mean they can’t manage a simple please or thank-you without ten prompts and a bribe, but Christ if your selfish little love finds it within himself to give you ONE of his malteasers, out of his share bag sized packet, that you paid for by the way, we should all tell him how amazingly wonderful and kind he is, like he doesn’t get enough royal treatment, he also requires his own little cheer-leading troop to follow him around and blow smoke up his ass.

the truth is i don’t really like children, i love my own obviously but like them? not so much. other peoples children have always driven me mad mainly because to me children are unwittingly the worst kind of human in a lot of ways.

They literally shit on you, they have no consideration for other people or understand the need for sleep and they hold us and everyone else around them too ransom everyday, i mean they literally try to bully you into dong what they want.

If you don’t comply, don’t do it how they wanted, (what do you mean you cant read minds? you suck!) or heaven forbid refuse then the shit will hit the fan.


If i stood in the middle of Asda reaching notes that Mariah would be proud of as loud as i could manage I’m pretty sure people wouldn’t be approaching me with “aw are you tired?, your such a cutie!” (to which the answer would be yes, YES I FUCKING AM!) i would be removed by security and possibly placed in a secure unit.

which i actually think would be a nice little break…  I wonder what time Asda shuts today :-/  i mean how much crazier could it really be in there!

but why when we are adults are we just expected to be able to control our emotions, our feelings, our complete pissed off with the worldness?   why when we reach a certain age somewhere between school and adulthood are we deemed to not need raising anymore? 

Why can we praise an obnoxious toddler at playgroup for a good ten minutes because they let another kid use the toy, that isn’t even fucking theirs but we cant praise the screaming kids mum for not completely losing her shit, i mean i leave most playgroups with lock jaw I’ve been clenching so much but nobody comes over and congratulates me for not sneaking out and leaving my child to be raised by the church!  ( I have considered it but they have my address, bastard insurance forms!)

We should find more time to gentle parent each other!  high five the woman who despite having a hardcore headbutting little horror today has managed to just have the odd cigarette to keep her sane instead of running to the hills and living in a hippie stoner commune.

Give the woman who has done NO washing this week and has resorted to bikini bottoms under her jeans a fist pump because at least she had those clean! (and i will definitely do my washing tonight!)


Yep it was me!

Give the dad who has taken his kids out to the park for a few hours so his Mrs can have a bath a pat on the back (and your phone number in case they ever divorce because that shit is rare!) for being such a legend!

We praise our children so much to teach them good and bad, wrong and right and i’m not suggesting you turn into a completely patronizing cowbag but surely we would all be better humans if we just felt appreciated!

lets stop hating each other because we are doing ourselves an injustice, if we just spoke to one another and asked how that woman gets her hair so perfect, how she is still a complete MILF after ten kids instead of hating what you cant imitate you will probably find that her life isn’t as perfect as you thought and actually she is a complete babe on the inside as well!

be kind to each other people, kids or not we all need a little love sometimes.


3 thoughts on “Don’t hate what you can’t imitate!

  1. This makes me laugh
    Your exactly right kids do rule your life no matter that you are the adult they still get the final say
    Keep up the writing it’s ace


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